Coming to Grips

On Wednesday, February 1, Little Debbie was my not-so-secret lover. Five days later, she was the bitterest betrayer.

But what do they say? You can only be betrayed by someone you trust. Oh, you're just as guilty, Ben and Jerry. I'm looking right at you, too.

More like "Can't-oli," amirite?

Let me back up a tidge.*

I went to see my new primary care doc (previous doc's office went out of network in the new year), which meant blood work. My A1C was down to 7.0, best it's been in years (of course it's taken four different diabetes-tackling meds to get me there, as well as dietary changes). Blood pressure's been good.

Not so good? Cholesterol and kidney function. 

Okay, cholesterol, sure. I eat way too much junk food way too often. I love the classic cuisine of McDonald's too much. Snack cakes are my drug of choice, with their corn syrups and shortenings and riboflavins. And ice cream? STRAIGHT INTO MY VEINS.

But kidney function? Really? I drink the heck out of water! And I don't drink alcohol! What am I doing wrong??

*checks Google for "what reduces kidney function"*

Oh. Diabetes. Yeah, that checks out. Though my food choices probably didn't help.

So when Tamara uses the words "kidney disease" after doing some research of her own, that lands heavy. Really heavy. "Put you in a funk that only the silliest movie or Twitter memes or Instagram cute animal videos can fix" heavy (thank you, Sarah and Emily and Kirsti and Twitter friends).

I think - THINK - we're far off from kidney disease, or the dreaded "D"** word when it comes to kidneys. Way off. But still, when the doc says he wants to consult a nephrologist (kidney expert) that gets you thinking.

Weird that kidney beans can't fix broken kidneys.

What happened then was really interesting. Where before I would think about getting a snack on the way to work as a harmless indulgence of my sugar habit, I now find myself thinking "that snack might actually be contributing to my untimely demise." Popeye's for lunch? Maybe I don't need that extra bit of arterial clogging, actually. Mountain Dew pick-me-up? Maybe this nice harmless cup of cold water will keep me awake.

Yes, I should have been mindful of all these things and more before. If I had, odds are decent I wouldn't have been forced to for years to come. It's impossible to know for sure, but I am the first to admit I've done myself precisely ZERO favors when it comes to my diet.

What happens now? Now, I get used to less cheese. Less mayonnaise. Fewer eggs. More vegetables.

I suppress a shudder at that last one - I know they're good for me, and are dietary freebies for the most part, i.e. I can eat as many as I want. But I don't want to eat them. Ever. I might wax verbose on veggies and my struggles with them at a later time.

I know it's not the end of flavor....completely, at least. I know I can still enjoy the occasional McNugget or DQ Blizzard or Culver's Curderburger. I know I can still have a little BBQ sauce or bacon-egg-cheese biscuit or Oatmeal Cream Pie as a treat now and then.

Soon, my little candy friends. Soon.

It's just interesting - weird, even - that I've mentally made the switch to really thinking twice and thrice about what I'm eating and how often and how much, without really a conscious effort.

Huh.

Man, things were just easier in the 1980s of Star Trek when a time-traveling Dr. McCoy could give you a pill that would fix everything.

*"tidge" is a word I use to describe a little bit, kind of a mash-up of "tidbit" and "smidge"

**dialysis