From Rankings With Love*

Among the myriad fandoms to which I claim belonging, the James Bond universe is one that predates Lord of the Rings and Marvel. The first Bond movies I ever saw were "The Spy Who Loved Me" and "Live And Let Die," and I only saw them because a family friend was getting rid of them. So Roger Moore was my first Bond, but he wouldn't be the last.**

A key - vital, even - element to any Bond movie is the theme song, the musical standard by which the film's score would be composed and to which it would allude over and over again. Bond songs are as important to the movies as the gadgets, the love interests, the villains and the vodka martinis. 

With Bond movie #25 coming out this week, I felt inspired (read: I was bored) to give my personal ranking of the Bond theme songs. I've also linked to YouTube for each one so you can give a listen yourself and decide whether you agree with me. And I'll try to be concise. And where the song title doesn't match up with the movie title, I'll include it.

"No Time to Die" is Craig's fifth and last turn as Bond;
"Skyfall" was Judi Dench's seventh and last turn as "M."

Note: the links are not, with one exception which will be noted below, to the title sequences themselves for two reasons. First, sometimes the songs are cut short for time in the titles. Second, the majority of titles have weird silhouettes of naked women interspersed with silhouettes of guns and psychedelic colors, and it's just weird. So, no.

Disclaimers:

1) I am not a music expert or professional music reviewer. So take my words with whatever kind of salt grain you want.

2) This list does not include the song for the new movie; I haven't heard it yet, I will when I watch the movie.

3) This list does not include music for "Never Say Never Again," as it's not an official EON-sanctioned movie. Besides, the movie is just a terrible rehash of "Thunderball." Not worth your time.

4) Two of the entries were NOT used in their respective movies' title sequences. I still decided to rank them.

Puns like "Ice to see you" would be less painful than Madonna's song.

24. Die Another Day, Madonna - Blech. Ew. Ech. *various spitting noises* Arguably one of the worst Bond movies (because it took even the normal outlandishness of Bond to entirely new and not really fun levels) has THE absolute worst Bond song. It's way too techno/club beat/autotuned and it's just terrible. 

23. Another Way To Die (Quantum of Solace), Jack White and Alicia Keys - While I really liked this one at first, the more I listen the more empty it feels. It's a great song, but it doesn't match the movie to which it's paired. It's energetic and bombastic, while the movie is dark and brooding. A more pathos-centered theme would have made more sense.

22. All Time High (Octopussy), Rita Coolidge - Bond songs fall into generally one of two styles: energetic rock or sappy ballad. This is very much the former...and that's about it. It doesn't relate to the movie or any of its themes (I can't believe I just said Roger Moore Bond films have themes). It just...is.

Is this a still from Octopussy or how Roger Moore feels about the theme song?

21. From Russia With Love, Matt Munro - This is one of two songs that aren't title songs; in fact, the only time you hear it during the eponymous movie is on a radio, so it's not high-quality and it's only a snippet. That said, it's a gorgeous piece of music that evokes a Eastern European sound, and Matt Munro's voice is pure silk.

20. Moonraker, Shirley Bassey - Shirley Bassey deserves all the credit for her incredible voice; she's the only repeat artist on this list (three entries, actually) and rightfully so. The problem with "Moonraker" is it's just a sad shadow of "Diamonds Are Forever," which itself is a shadow of "Goldfinger." It's a fine enough song - and to its credit it's very ethereal, tying into the movie's space themes - but forgettable.

19. Writing's On The Wall (Spectre), Sam Smith - Sam's got a voice that kills, so it was disappointing that his moment to shine in the Bond franchise got wasted on this song. Parts of it are so good, which is why it cracked the top 20. Those parts are where the song uses Smith's range and quiet rawness, which are then ruined by the chorus being over-loud and harsh. 

18. The Living Daylights, a-ha - I'm just proud because when someone asks about a-ha I can say I know two of their songs. 

17. The World Is Not Enough, Garbage - meh movie, meh theme song. Garbage's sound elevates this entry and brings it higher, but the song is just generic and could have been done by anyone. And I'm sorry, but the chorus melody will never not make me think of the oboe/melody line in The Carpenters' "Superstar."

16. Diamonds Are Forever, Shirley Bassey - As I alluded to before, after "Goldfinger," Bassey only managed to make lightning strike halfway with this one. It's a beautiful song, and the lyrics are delightfully playful, but it just doesn't sparkle enough compared to other songs on the list.

15. The Man With The Golden Gun, Lulu - I expect I might get the most flack for this positioning, but this song is just a blast. Just there are two general styles for Bond songs, there are archetypes for the songs subjects. Adoration for the hero and adoration for the villain are two of them, and I like to imagine Scaramanga, the villain in this movie, commissioning this song about himself just to boost his ego.

14. For Your Eyes Only, Sheena Easton - This one's a great blend of late 70's and early 80's sounds, and Easton's voice is as smooth as silk shifting from the quiet verses to the dramatic chorus. And you know the piano player just had the time of his or her life on this one.

13. We Have All The Time In The World (On Her Majesty's Secret Service), Louis Armstrong - this is the the other song that's not in the titles, and that's the only thing that keeps it lower on the list. To be sure, it doesn't feel like a title song for a Bond movie. But it's so sweet and tender, capitalized by Armstrong's gravelly but warm vocals, and it's heart-wrenching in the context of the film's ending. All of that combines to make this a beautiful entry on the list.

12. Nobody Does It Better (The Spy Who Loved Me) Carly Simon - my first ever Bond song, it's clever in how it incorporates the title of the movie. The slow transition from ballad to more of a rock ballad is genuinely fun, and it's Carly Simon - you know the vocals are impeccable. Note: the title sequence is the aforementioned nakey silhouettes jumping on trampolines and therefore earns the award for most stupid title sequence.

11. GoldenEye, Tina Turner - what better way to bridge the gap between 80's Bond and 90's Bond than with one of the greatest voices of the era? Tina's rasp mixes with the cool melody and chill rhythm, and while the vocals aren't as dramatic as some of the other Bond-theme divas, she explores every space perfectly. Fun fact: the song was written for Turner by none other than U2.

10. Tomorrow Never Dies, Sheryl Crow - oh, man, I love this one. The 6/8 time signature is perfect choice for the song. Crow may seem like a weird choice for a Bond theme - she's not pop, she doesn't have the big dramatic sound, but man, is it smooth, and Crow handles the soft-to-big transitions masterfully.

9. You Only Live Twice, Nancy Sinatra - it's a rare Bond song that avoids orchestral elements, but this one just might do the best job of putting them at the forefront. Nancy's voice, just like dad, is perfectly polished as it almost tells a story throughout. The movie has some of the most iconic elements of the Bond franchise - the inside-the-volcano villain's lair, the tiny autogyro, and heck, Mike Myer's Dr. Evil copies off Donald Pleasance's Blofeld, scar and bald head and cat and all. That's a tall order, and the theme song matches it in spades.

8. A View To A Kill, Duran Duran - look, I have no idea what the title even means: like you're a spectator to someong dying? But this is primo 80's rock and Duran Duran was a great choice to bring that rock vibe and voice to the movie, even as an aging Roger Moore tried to keep the movie quality from sinking (mixed results, in my opinion).

7. Spectre, Radiohead - so this didn't make it into the movie, and that's a dang shame, because Radiohead's entry is rich with melancholy, emotion and tragedy and matches the movie step for step. Sam Mendes, who directed the movie, even said it sucked they couldn't use Radiohead's song, but the production team thought it was too sad. Dorks.

6. Thunderball, Tom Jones - man, I wanted to put this higher and just couldn't, but I adore this song wholeheartedly. We know it's not unusual for Tom to be over the top, and this is no exception: he goes full ham on EVERY SINGLE NOTE and it's glorious. You think it's as dramatic as it gets, and then you get to the final lyric and it's just explosively awesome.

5. License To Kill, Gladys Knight - the ONLY reason this isn't higher than "Goldfinger" is because that song is probably the iconic Bond song matched with the iconic classic Bond movie. Knight's vocal work is every bit as perfect as Shirley Bassey's, but puts a rawness behind it that gives more weight to the song.

4. Live And Let Die, Paul McCartney and The Wings - this song so perfectly encapsulates what the Roger Moore Bond era would become - action films with enough camp that it's almost too much but reins it in before the point of no return. It's slow, then energetic, then....silly? Bouncy? That middle section's always been weird but fun. Then back to energetic, then slow, then energetic. Man, that's kind of a perfect way to describe the Moore era.

3. Goldfinger, Shirley Bassey - the gold standard for Bond theme songs. The harsh, haughty brass, the dramatic strings, Shirley's blindingly beautiful vocals - it's all a metaphor, intentional or not, to the shining gold that makes up the McGuffin and central conflict of the movie. Goldfinger was the third Bond adventure the world saw on screens, but in a lot of ways it was the pace setter for the entire franchise, and the theme song absolutely keeps up with it.

2. You Know My Name (Casino Royale), Chris Cornell - Casino Royale was an absolute game-changer for Bond. It wasn't just the new actor (the first blond Bond), it was a different Bond altogether. More grit, more guts, more intensity in the action, the same swagger and style but muted by the energy. This was Bond doing extreme parkour, brutal hand-to-hand fighting, failing due to his own ego and arrogance, and showing vulnerability the likes of which hadn't been seen since George Lazenby's turn. So the theme song had to be different, and it absolutely was and it's incredible. This is hands down my favorite Bond theme song; it's hard in-your-face rock from Chris Cornell, and that puts it on the same level as Daniel Craig's in-your-face Jason-Bourne-Dressed-Up-As-007. And the title sequence (which I linked to) is hands down the best and most beautiful in all of Bond-dom.

1. Skyfall, Adele - it's not my favorite - I love it - but it's the best one. No song better encapsulates what Bond was, is and will be better than Adele's sweeping vocal masterpiece. It's so classic, hearkening back to the big-voice days of "Goldfinger" and "Thunderball," yet so gorgeously modern and contemporary, fitting in right alongside "Tomorrow Never Dies" and "License To Kill." Heck, Adele could have released this not as a Bond song and it would have charted #1. The first time I heard it, from the very first piano notes, serious chills. And still chills to this day.

That's my take - what do you think? Where do you agree? Disagree? Do I make some good points or is my head full of more metal than Jaws?

*credit to my friend Ben for the title inspiration

**or best. My quick ranking from best to worst is Daniel Craig, Timothy Dalton, Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, Roger Moore, George Lazenby