Take Time to Listen

 How do you treat others who believe different than you?

What is your reaction when you see an opinion or view or "take" contrary to yours? Is it different whether the opinion is over something relatively trivial, like a movie, or something deeply held in your heart and mind, like a religious belief?

I was going to write a really long and very word-vomit-y post related to the situation involving Gina Carano getting fired from Lucasfilm's "The Mandalorian." I had all kinds of things to say about so-called "cancel culture" and about where we draw the line and all that.

Long story short, Carano was fired after the latest of several online posts that drew a lot of criticism: posts mocking transgender people for using pronouns (transgender rights are human rights), mocking mask-wearing amid the ongoing pandemic (they work) and suggesting the 2020 election was fraudulent (it wasn't). Her latest post compared the harassment and assault of European Jews by their neighbors during World War II to the blowback Republicans face from Democrats/progressives.

Then my friend Emily posted her criticism of knee-jerk reactions to things we disagree with and the slippery slope we find ourselves on when the court of public opinion starts to have real-world consequences:

"Do we want people to be afraid, afraid of stepping out of line for going against what the popular vote has deemed appropriate? We have seen many people in our history prove that it's not possible. You can't just silence someone because they preach against your religious beliefs. You can't marginalize someone because they choose a different lifestyle. In a free country, we have to be accepting of differences.

"But that's not what happens in real life. It feels like there's more of a 'VIP list' and if you're not it, you don't get into the party. They speak badly of people just like my relative spoke badly of me. They uninvite and ban others just like the people on their VIP list got uninvited and banned. They ask that people get fired and removed because of social and political differences."

Later, in the comments, Emily said the following to me:

"Since when do we get to convict someone by means of popular opinion? No trial because a trial would be pointless. The jury is unanimous. I'm not trying to overlap what she is experiencing right now with any other movement. I'm just troubled as 'acceptable' is getting redefined."

That was going to be my springboard for a whole treatment of "cancel culture," but I decided last night that wasn't what I really wanted to say. There's room for discussion about the issue but I don't want to do that here.

I feel the need to say I do not support what Carano said at all. I do not agree with her. Her firing by Lucasfilm seemed a long time coming based on just how much she toed the line of actions and words that could be seen as negative to her employer's image. The fact is actions have consequences, and Carano is facing the consequences of her actions. Disagree with them if you will, but it's not your call to make. It's Disney's, and they're within their rights to do so.

I guess what I want to do is ask you to ask yourself the questions I started with: when you come across a contrary opinion or belief or statement that challenges your own, what do you do? 

Do you silence the voice via a "mute" or "block" function?

Do you respond with your own belief or view? If so, do you do so in a confrontational way or a more "let's explore our differences" way?

Do you write a blog post explaining why that person's belief or view or statement is wrong?

Do you consider your own beliefs and see if there's any common ground to be found or modifications to make?

Full disclosure: when the statement "Black lives matter" started making the rounds on social media years ago, my first reaction was "but ALL lives matter." But soon my cousin posted someone's explanation that saying "Black lives matter" is not a suggestion that non-Black lives don't matter; rather it meant Black lives have long been treated as lesser than other lives. It was a statement that Black lives have always mattered, even under policies or practices that diminished their existence, and Black lives still matter, even as they continue to suffer under systemic racism and discrimination. The statement "Black lives matter" isn't meant to diminish others, but to try and bring Black lives into the conversations where for decades and centuries they had been ignored.

What worries me about the trends in our discussions and discourse and social media interactions is it seems the knee-jerk reaction to anything contrary to what we believe is to be discarded immediately and the expresser of that contrary thing is to be shoved out of sight as quickly as possible. Call this "cancel culture" if you will. I'm tired of that phrase, but I don't have a better alternative at the moment.

Let me be clear: there are situations where, when someone's words or actions come to light and they do or have done actual harm - physical, mental, emotional - that warrant clear consequences, be they legal or otherwise. If Idris Elba, my one true man-crush, were to start spouting violent and inflammatory words that are harassing or threatening or abusive, I hope I would be among the first to demand accountability, whatever that looks like. When allegations of Kevin Spacey's sexual harassment of others came to light, I believe it was appropriate to remove him from current productions. We're talking about a criminal matter, after all. 

But what about someone running for a political office who refers to his or her religion frequently, even if they don't claim it will be a driving influence in their politics? What about a celebrity who comes out and says they believe abortion is wrong?

What about athletes who won't stand for the national anthem because they want to make a statement about the treatment of Black people and people of color in their home nation?

There is no law that says you have to agree with them. Heck, there's no law that says you have to listen to or watch or otherwise support them. You can ignore them to your heart's content.

But maybe there IS value in listening, in hearing, in seeing, in engaging. Heaven knows there are entirely too many trolls out in the world. Don't engage with them. Use your judgement to determine when to leave it alone and when not to.

I get it - we see something we don't agree with and that impulse that we have to be right kicks in. We want to be right, we feel the need to be right, so our viscera jump into action and we get ready for intellectual combat.

A friend reminded me yesterday the goalposts of what's "the right side" of a thing can shift, though, can't they? They can move depending on who we are or where we are or when we are. Now, I firmly believe in some eternal and immutable truths that cannot and will not shift. But guess what - others believe that what I believe are moveable goalposts. Or that they shouldn't be goalposts at all. And THEIR beliefs about my goalposts may be as strongly held as MY beliefs about my goalposts.

That's the funny thing about the human race - we don't all agree. We can't all agree. And while there are some things that are fundamentally true, not every agrees on what they are or what they mean. It's a weird, bizarre contradictive conundrum, but here we are.

What my friend Emily was saying, and what I am saying, is our world can use more patience, more grace, more understanding and more kindness when it comes to encounters with those of differing opinions and beliefs. Ignore the trolls, mute or block voices that are trying to promote harm to you or others, but try to listen to others once in a while. 

If you can, take time to look and hear before you leap to a conclusion.