Inexplicable

The economy is collapsing. The world around us, in a social and political sense, is falling apart. Things as we hafve come to know them are disappearing, and there comes an indispensable choice:

(Side Note: The above statements are meant strictly to set up a hypothetical situation and are in no way meant to reflect any opinions on the actual current state of affairs. Thank you.)

Which fast-food restaurant do you save?

You can only save one; there's not enough room in the new (and once again, hypothetical) fragile economy for others. Moreover, non-fast-food resources are severely limited, so you will have to return to the lone fast-food restaurant very frequently (How do you pay for the food if the economy is in the proverbial crapper? I said this is a hypothetical situation, not a hypothetical thesis. Use your imagination. Literally.).

So which one is it? Wendy's? Taco Bell? Hardee's/Carl's Jr.? Subway? Remember, this is the only fast food you'll ever eat again, so choose wisely.

I'd save McDonald's.

I really would.

I know, I know. At this point, thoughts are racing through your brain likely sounding like the voice of Michael Bluth: Them?

But it's absolutely true: McDonald's is the one fast-food place at which I could always eat. Morning, noon, night, middle of the night, Tuesday, Thursday, Winter Solstice, Spring Equinox, Rosh Hashanah, Lent, and any syzygy you like.

Now, I don't often crave McDonald's, as in "A Number __ value meal with a Hi-C Orange is the only thing that will make me, my mouth and my stomach happy." No, the cravings are few and far between.

But I am always in the mood for/open to eating at McDonald's. I can't possibly fathom a situation where I would say, "No, I don't feel like McDonald's at all."

Yes, yes, I worked there for nearly four years during/after high school. Yes, I ate there a lot. A ton (and yes, I gained a lot of weight). But I never got sick of it. Maybe that's due to the fact that as an insider, so to speak, I could come up with all kinds of crazy delicious variations on the food (put some cheese and bacon in between two Big Mac middle buns, grill it, you got yourself a grilled cheese; baked lemon pie + ice cream, you got yourself a lemon pie a la mode; throw some quarter pounder patties, a McFlurry, some McRibs, fries and Diet Coke in the fryer, you got yourself a stew). No, I never got sick of it at all.

And while we're on the subject (?), let me say that I refute any claims that McDonald's uses mystery meat in any of their regular products. McRibs, maybe, but they're still so good.

Even after that illustrious career at the Columbia Mall McDonald's (slogan: We Don't Discriminate at Our Store- We Hate Everyone), I feel confident I could eat McDonald's every day. Or, at least, more often than any other fast-food restaurant without getting supremely sick of it.

Call me weird, gross, whatever. Just don't forget the hot mustard for my McNuggets.